Partridges . . . other birds, and T-shirts for the electeds

     Some people grump about all the catalogs you get in the mail at Christmas, but I kind of like to browse through them. They give me all kinds of shopping ideas.
     A popular item this year is hearing enhancements, in varying forms, from headphones to tiny things you can put in your ear to eavesdrop on the conversations across the room. I might get a few of the heavy duty ones for Congress. They seem to be deaf to most of what the rest of us are saying.
     The little sneaky things might be good for reporters; they're always looking for stories that go on in secret. Some reporters are still having trouble reporting the obvious, so I might get a few t-shirts for them; I saw one offered with the saying, "A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they're dirty."
     Some copy editors I have worked with will get shirts that say, "National Sarcasm Society (like we need your support)." I want one of those for myself. Others will get the one that reads, "The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm," because it may be the only dictionary they use.
     Herman Cain's pals are getting him his own nightgown, to get into whenever he wants.
     Newt Gringrich reportedly asked for one of those backward watches offered in several of the catalogs I have seen. It runs in reverse of the normal face on a watch.
     I can get a special deal on bulk orders for t-shirts in one catalog, so I'm sending off for a selection for our local commissioners.
     For David Roush, there's, "I'm not aging, I'm fermenting" and, "Who says nothing is impossible; I've been doing nothing for years."
     Doug Howard is getting, "Please take a moment to appreciate my vast knowledge and experience."
     He can also share one with Richard Rothschild: "You don't have to agree with me, but I'm still RIGHT."  But then Rothschild, already ahead of the others in the wardrobe department anyway, will enhance his t-shirt collection with, "A team effort is a lot of people doing everything I say" and "What I really need are minions."
     I have to say that some people are harder to buy for than others. I picked out this one for Haven Shoemaker: "Life is a circus...and I'm stuck in the freak tent." He reportedly already has one that reads, "If idiots grew on trees, this place would be an orchard."
     Robin Frazier likes to show her math skills, so I got her one that reads, "There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who are good at math and those who aren't."
Personally, I think she'd make a statement in the t-shirt that has a carpenter's level on it and says, simply, "Half a bubble off."
     As for key staff at the county office building, I have word from Santa's elves that there is a run on two very different t-shirts this year. A lot of employees are ordering, "It is what it is," and there is a backorder on, "Your proctologist called . . . He's found your head."
     Ho ho ho . . . Can't wait for casual Friday....